December 29, 2011

The author took a left at Metaphor and Vine.

December 26, 2011

December 12, 2011

The author took a break from writing to write his latest book.

December 09, 2011

The author sometimes feels bored with having to spend everyday driving from Zelda to Anzibar and back again.

December 08, 2011

The author slept on his manuscript wrong.

December 07, 2011

The author climbs into the mouths of more successful writers and delicately picks the shredded bits of metaphor from between their teeth.

December 06, 2011

The author weighs in at an impressive 188 pages, dripping wet, double-spaced.

December 01, 2011

The author no longer channels Crapp-Ra, that lying spirit guide who made him say all those racist and homophobic things back in the nineties.

November 29, 2011

The author studied under there.

(Ha! Did the author just make you say underwear? The author loves that gag.)

November 17, 2011

The author wants to hear more about your background in the publishing industry. Really...your uncle, you say?

November 16, 2011

The author discovered his real purpose years ago. Now he just pretends that he's misplaced it so he gets to discover it all over again.

November 15, 2011

The author burps up sentences that taste vaguely of Hemingway and beer.

November 14, 2011

The author always puts the seat down when he writes.

November 03, 2011

The author takes long walks around short subjects.

November 01, 2011

The author takes the long view on his undershorts.

October 31, 2011

The author isn't sure it's any of your goddam business.

October 30, 2011

The author was a finalist for the prestigious "Who Dealt It?" Award.

October 28, 2011

The author sometimes wishes he were a fireman, or an astronaut, or the guy who tests new cheeto flavors.

September 16, 2011

The author never remembers to check for spelling errors on his threatening notes to his publisher.

March 15, 2011

The author still has shredded metaphor stuck between his imaginary teeth.

March 08, 2011

March 07, 2011

The author chews the ice in his drink, not the other way around.

March 03, 2011

The author will take his eggs over medium, thank you.

March 02, 2011

The author is looking in the last place that he left it.

February 01, 2011

The author wonders whether anybody else feels this way.