The author ate lunch less than an hour before swimming.

The author picked up a slight cold in South Carolina.

The author is currently in Los Angeles, researching a book about In-and-Out Burger.

The author picked up a naked monkey in New Mexico.

The author picked up a social disease in South Dakota.

The author doesn't want to get into it right now. Suffice it to say that he is not quite finished...

The author is just writing these books to get attention. Just ignore him.

The author does not understand these new-fangled fangling machines.

The author never liked the shape of his toes. This informs much of his work.

The author has been reading alot about this whole "internet" thing recently.

The author takes time out of his busy schedule every week to donate fertilizer to his neighbor's flower garden. (Actually, the author's neighbor doesn't need to know about this...)

The author was there when it all went down, man.

The author used to write haikus like most men drink beer--six at a time. Now he just drinks the beer and shouts at passing Japanese motorists.

The author was conceived in one state and delivered in another.